Monday, 31 October 2011

Lesser Evils

A short sharp pain
or a long dull ache;
which is worse to take?
For sores to remain
would cause more hurt
than a short sore spurt.

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Kinsella

I'll sit on the lawn until the dew soaks
through my clothes and penetrates through my skin
and I will breathe the night air 'til it chokes
and stretches my trachea paper thin.

I'll look up at your room 'til the sight burns
from the fires flickering from your sill,
I'll wait out the night 'til the moon adjourns
and even when day breaks I will sit still.

I'll shiver in the wind 'til she's lost her voice
or she goes to howl at some other poor soul,
I will pretend that this is all through my choice
and that everything is under control.

But it must not be okay, sat on your grass
and all night I wonder if this will pass.

Saturday, 29 October 2011

Paranoia

I get intensely paranoid at the thought that every action is regulated
and free speech (or even free thought) is a fantastical concept.
Perhaps this thought, my fingers scribing these words, and your eyes
flickering from the end of one line to the beginning of
another have all been planned and prompted for some unknown purpose.
I can't even trust my own brain if I'm not sure what's controlling it.
How many people are listening to these thoughts as I roll over
in my crowded head in an empty bed.
I can't decide if I'm more frightened by the prospect of having some unknown other
watching over me and controlling my every move
or being completely alone and being left to make my own disasters.

Textures and Layers

We are cursed with the complexity of life's complexion
and I can't contain my curiosity to crack their code,
so I panic and try to clutch to the faintest connection,
thinking and overthinking until I start thinking I'll explode.
There are so many layers and textures working at all we've known
but I've always wanted to know what lies at the core;
under skin is muscle and under muscle there's bone
but what happens when we run out of layers to explore?

H_r Nam_

The lettering on my keypad is worn
from spelling out your name.
When you study a word for too long
it can drive you insane.
You start to question your own knowledge
and if your spelling is right
so now I'm beginning to question
what did I just write?

Friday, 28 October 2011

Nightwatch

I've been peeking through my curtains for nights
wishing I'd see past the polluted haze,
but the sky's been consumed by clouds and lights
so I've found nothing in my wistful gaze.

I still cling on tight to my drowning hope
and still I always look towards the sky
but I'd find no use in a telescope
when only the darkness catches my eye.

So one day I dragged my curtains together
then within their gap I saw a glint
and with the surprising change of weather
the reigning clouds ended their shrouding stint.

And suddenly everything felt so clear
as the moon shone on all that I hold dear.

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Unseen

It kills me to know
I won't hear every song
when one unheard could make me feel so strong.

It kills me to know
I won't read every book
when one unread could offer the advice I never took.

It kills me to know
I won't view every piece of art
when one unseen could glisten inside my heart.

It kills me to know
I won't visit every inch of this Earth
when so much untouched beauty cannot prove its worth.

It kills me to know
I won't know every person here
when I may not meet that one who I will hold the most dear.

It kills me to know
I won't get to stand on ever star
when they all look so consummately bright from afar.

It kills me to know
I am just a tiny speck on the floor
when (it kills me to know), I'll never be anything more.

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Roadkill

I travel along a snake-like road,
right from its very tail
to the hungry jaw in which its forked tongue sits.
As I curve along
the slimy crevices of its body
I encounter carrion led flat in its stomach.
Gathered around the death
is a flock of esurient crows
pecking at the remains the snake has left for them.
As I approach the remains,
the condemning glare of my headlights
frighten the foul flock away from their feast.
The prospect of death
frightens the benefactors of death
away from their own slice of death.

Read All About It!

I keep thinking of those things
my mind tells myself not to,
and each time you force your way into my head
I try to distract myself
with mundane thoughts
such as sports or the weather,
as if you are the gloomy headline on the front page
which I am trying to avoid.
Give me entertainment
over current affairs
any day.

Monday, 24 October 2011

Defiance

It seems that the world wants something I'm not
but I just want to be me,
so I will be happy with all I've got
and I'll continue to be.

What's the Point?

What's the point in opening your curtains in the morning
to let in those brief rays of light
only to close them again
when darkness devours the sunshine?

What's the point in falling in love with a person
to let their smile capture your heart
only to let them go
when smiles slowly sour into scowls?

What's the point in being alive in this lonely, dark world
when any brief joys
we may find along the way
are robbed from us when we all die?

Sunday, 23 October 2011

Burning Bridges

It is hard to burn my bridges
when I am terrified of fire,
but I know that despite my fear
it is the action I require.

So I have lit myself a match
and I have closed my frightened eyes,
I throw it down on to the ground
and pray as the flames begin to rise.

As the smoke clears I look around,
examining my unburned hands
as empty as the barren ground
where all I'd known has left the lands.

Now I know I cannot go back
there won't be a bridge to be crossed
and though I came away unharmed
I wonder what I may have lost...

Friday, 21 October 2011

Spinning Arrows

I spun the arrow fifteen days ago
in the hope it will point me the right way.
I've noticed the spinning is starting to slow
but where it will stop I cannot yet say.

I am not sure where I want it to land,
only that the outcome should be correct
and whatever is decided must stand,
because I would have let the Fates select.

So on it spins to the beat of my heart
and with my calm thoughts it grinds to a halt
pointing directly straight back at the start,
pointing sharp fingers to what was at fault.

I'm still no closer to knowing what's right
but I'm starting to see the end is in sight.

Autosarcophagy

If I could eat through these walls of hard bone
to find an exit from my dingy cave
then my jaw might clamp onto some unseen zone
that leaves me with fresh strategies to save.

I know that soon my gnawing teeth will tire
when they start to pierce the layer of thick skin
but my stubbornness has become so dire
I can no longer taste the mess I'm in.

I've come to terms with my fruitless escape
now that I've noticed I'm my own jailer
and if this prison is one I can't reshape
then it only means that I'm a failure.

But I will still keep biting at my skull
for my restless stomach is never full.

Thursday, 20 October 2011

That Feel

I will greet that feeling as an old friend,
I remember feeling that way before.
If I know that this feeling once did end
then I know that I will not long be sore.

But still I can sometimes cling to pain
to remind me that all that's passed was real.
Hoping that the positives will remain
I still try to salvage that special feel.

But deep down I know it will be a while
before I  meet that friend; that feeling,
and even if someone can make me smile
it won't be my heart that they are stealing.

And one day I may decide to let go
in the hope my very old friend will show.

Creeping Hours

Routine's been hard to keep,
I've struggled finding sleep.
Is it daylight saving
or midnight craving
that makes my dark thoughts creep?

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Hashtags and HTML

It seems social interaction
has become social inaction,
as if life is a distraction
from the means that we use to speak.
Sure, we all see our constant streams
of our every movement and dreams
and it's gotten to the point it seems
we are all on show for critique.
"Hypocrite!" I hear you all say
with my words on public display,
but as long as I feel this way
I wont let my mind join the weak.



Tuesday, 18 October 2011

Gravity

If we're floating in an infinite space
why must I be on this desolate rock?
When nowhere on Earth I can find my place,
gravity still has me in a foot-lock.

I think I'd find more love on another star,
I think luck would be a more common blessing,
I don't think I'd mind that you were far
when I'd fly to you with minimal messing.

Perhaps gravity will soon let me leave
so I could float to where I feel at home.
At each orbit, a postcard you'll receive
reminding you that you are not alone.

You might miss me enough to grow some wings
and you'd fly beside me to see what death brings...

Sunday, 16 October 2011

Monitor Illusions

I can see the reflection of your mouth
in the monitor of my computer screen
parting 
and converging
to mumble all the messages that you have sent
As you notice                                                                 
that I have noticed you
the corners of your rouged lips curve upwards
and the light that comes from your smile is so bright
I can no longer see your words.
But as I turn my head past my shoulder
to where your reflection stands
you are nowhere to be seen,
you're a ghost, a shadow,
a hidden file.
Yet, as I lower my hand towards my keypad
to reply to what you once told me
something stops my hand
and interlocks its fingers with mine.
                                                                                

Saturday, 15 October 2011

Clearout

I have been meaning to throw away possessions
which I can no longer find a use for
but as they touch my skin
and my lungs breathe them in
I’m reminded of what left such strong impressions;
they suddenly feel essential once more.

So I cling to them tightly and never let go,
knowing deep down they are not what I need
but my stubborn fear
is what keeps them near
and rational thoughts tell me they drag me down, although
my reason is something I’ll never heed…

Thursday, 13 October 2011

Uphill

The tasks that I've usually found fine
feel overly difficult today.
My legs cramp up at the slightest incline
and my head has been taking me the wrong way.

But I'll carry on walking up this hill
in the hope that it's easier each time
and that exercising body and will
will bring my welfare back into its prime.


Two weeks have passed, and I still feel the strain
and my breathing's as heavy as my heart
but I'm beginning to pull through the pain
so this mental strength is at least a start.


Trials take time to better your technique
but it's worth the effort when you hit the peak.

Cuff

An hour ago,
I noticed specks of crimson
on the cuff of my shirt.
It made me wonder
what I was doing
hours ago.

I Think

I've been moulding myself
into the person
[I think]
I want to be.

With each stroke that I make
the clay hardens:
[I think]
I'm too late.

And as I try and budge
the heavy sludge
[I think]
this happiness is becoming forced.

But if my clay was to dry
in its natural form
[I think]
it looks hideous.

So I continue to make
this outer shell, which
[I think]
will disguise my imperfections.

I think, I think, I think...
I think I've lost who I am.

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Nightdrive

Condensation crawls
from the windscreen
and creeps
onto the bonnet,
whilst the lamppost lit drizzle
hazes the damp, dull street.
The dashboard glows royally
as the headlights break the black
to bleak.
The stereo reverberates
the rattling sounds
of the night
and drowns out
the engine's meditating hum.
The wipers work overtime
on the petite but persistent perspiration
The raindrops seep through the open window
but the cold slap of air makes me feel alive.
As I set off, into the line moving nowhere,
disgruntled faces obscured by hoods pass by.
Red.
Amber.
Green.
We're off to escape this scene
so that we may look on at it through different windows,
but whilst most are in a rush
I don't want this journey to end.
As elements blend into one,
I'm caught in the pace of life
and I can't decide if it's my control
or lack of it
which eases me so much.
For now I'll take a detour
and keep on driving until the track ends
or the needle points towards empty.
Is speed, time, or distance the limit?
I guess I'll find out when I grind to a stop.

Biting Tongues

Which is worse;
the damage done to my tongue by biting it
or the damage done by my tongue by not biting it?

Phases

When will 'just a phase'
just phase out?

Monday, 10 October 2011

One for Sorrow

Today I saw a solitary magpie
and I don't know
if it was superstition
or its loneliness
which made me sad.

Monopolised Mind

Sometimes, I like to read and reread
my favourite chapter of a novel
and I listen to my favourite track on an album
to the point where the rest seems insignificant
but the problem with an obsession
is that it obstructs fair and rational judgement
and blinds you to the beauty
held in every other song or line.

Saturday, 8 October 2011

The Change of a Pen

Am I becoming mindless
with every thought that I share,
and each word I write down
is one less to be there?
Because it's started to feel
like I'm running out of ink
and as much as I scratch
my nib cannot think
and every single line
becomes faint and faded,
resembling my mind
so blinkered and jaded,
and so I'm hoping
the change of a pen
will bring to life
new thoughts again.

A Recap...

Life's recaps
never recapture
life.

The Here and Now

Things never end
the way we intend
so don't bother planning for your death.
Instead, let's deal
in what's present and real
not to waste a single breath.

Strangers in the Dark

Passing glances
become romances
when a smile sets off a spark,
so curve your lips
towards my hips
and let's be strangers in the dark.

Feasting Flies

The flies have been feasting
on my former love's remains,
hoping their hunger
can benefit from pains
but I won't let their germs
infect my noble veins,
no matter what state I'm in
their greed cannot heal strains.

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Autumnal Sounds

So it’s about time I turned off those summer songs
now the weather gives no reason to sing along,
but I just can’t bring myself to let go
and accept the prospects of frost and snow.

The clouds have a stranglehold on the struggling sky
and I wonder how long the ground will stay dry,
meanwhile the wind blows leaves to the floor
making their sweeping a useless chore.

I’ve noticed that the nights are engulfing the day,
as much as I try, I can’t sleep the dark away…
we’re stuck in a cesspit of dead time
anxious for Christmas and missing sunshine.

Most of my break-ups have occurred with the fall,
I doubt there is any correlation at all
but that doesn’t stop the reminders
and I can’t see past these transparent  blinders.

Despite all the bleak that the end of summer brings
the jubilant voice inside of my head still sings
because there’s so much beauty in the death
and I feel alive tasting your iced breath.

I’ll hold on to these new songs ‘til they’ve past their date
hoping that their meanings do not dawn seasons too late
and as life turns partakers into subjects
I wonder where the wind will drag me next…

Sunday, 2 October 2011

Dead Weight

My recent mindset has made me feel bleak,
with thoughts ever so despondent and weak
but how can I try to let this phase die
when I can't even summon the strength to speak?

It's been said you should be cruel to be kind
yet I don't know how cruelty's defined.
if the phrase is true I must be cruel to you
in the hope that it leaves hurting behind.

I've found that when I strip away excess
I no longer suffer the weighty stress
and even though it is hard to let go
I realise I'm happier with less.

So I've cleared out all of my dead weight
opening up some new space to create.
I can only pray that it wont decay
into something I may grow to hate.