Defiance

It seems that the world wants something I'm not

but I just want to be me,

so I will be happy with all I've got

and I'll continue to be.

What's the Point?

What's the point in opening your curtains in the morning

to let in those brief rays of light

only to close them again

when darkness devours the sunshine?

What's the point in falling in love with a person

to let their smile capture your heart

only to let them go

when smiles slowly sour into scowls?

What's the point in being alive in this lonely, dark world

when any brief joys

we may find along the way

are robbed from us when we all die?

Burning Bridges

It is hard to burn my bridges

when I am terrified of fire,

but I know that despite my fear

it is the action I require.

So I have lit myself a match

and I have closed my frightened eyes,

I throw it down on to the ground

and pray as the flames begin to rise.

As the smoke clears I look around,

examining my unburned hands

as empty as the barren ground

where all I'd known has left the lands.

Now I know I cannot go back

there won't be a bridge to be crossed

and though I came away unharmed

I wonder what I may have lost...

Spinning Arrows

I spun the arrow fifteen days ago

in the hope it will point me the right way.

I've noticed the spinning is starting to slow

but where it will stop I cannot yet say.

I am not sure where I want it to land,

only that the outcome should be correct

and whatever is decided must stand,

because I would have let the Fates select.

So on it spins to the beat of my heart

and with my calm thoughts it grinds to a halt

pointing directly straight back at the start,

pointing sharp fingers to what was at fault.

I'm still no closer to knowing what's right

but I'm starting to see the end is in sight.

That Feel

I will greet that feeling as an old friend,

I remember feeling that way before.

If I know that this feeling once did end

then I know that I will not long be sore.

But still I can sometimes cling to pain

to remind me that all that's passed was real.

Hoping that the positives will remain

I still try to salvage that special feel.

But deep down I know it will be a while

before I  meet that friend; that feeling,

and even if someone can make me smile

it won't be my heart that they are stealing.

And one day I may decide to let go

in the hope my very old friend will show.

Creeping Hours

Routine's been hard to keep,

I've struggled finding sleep.

Is it daylight saving

or midnight craving

that makes my dark thoughts creep?

Hashtags and HTML

It seems social interaction

has become social inaction,

as if life is a distraction

from the means that we use to speak.

Sure, we all see our constant streams

of our every movement and dreams

and it's gotten to the point it seems

we are all on show for critique.

"Hypocrite!" I hear you all say

with my words on public display,

but as long as I feel this way

I wont let my mind join the weak.

Gravity

If we're floating in an infinite space

why must I be on this desolate rock?

When nowhere on Earth I can find my place,

gravity still has me in a foot-lock.

I think I'd find more love on another star,

I think luck would be a more common blessing,

I don't think I'd mind that you were far

when I'd fly to you with minimal messing.

Perhaps gravity will soon let me leave

so I could float to where I feel at home.

At each orbit, a postcard you'll receive

reminding you that you are not alone.

You might miss me enough to grow some wings

and you'd fly beside me to see what death brings...

Monitor Illusions

I can see the reflection of your mouth
in the monitor of my computer screen

parting 

and converging

to mumble all the messages that you have sent

As you notice                                                                 

that I have noticed you

the corners of your rouged lips curve upwards

and the light that comes from your smile is so bright

I can no longer see your words.

But as I turn my head past my shoulder

to where your reflection stands

you are nowhere to be seen,

you're a ghost, a shadow,

a hidden file.

Yet, as I lower my hand towards my keypad

to reply to what you once told me

something stops my hand

and interlocks its fingers with mine.

                                                                                

Clearout

I have been meaning to throw away possessions

which I can no longer find a use for

but as they touch my skin

and my lungs breathe them in

I’m reminded of what left such strong impressions;

they suddenly feel essential once more.

So I cling to them tightly and never let go,

knowing deep down they are not what I need

but my stubborn fear

is what keeps them near

and rational thoughts tell me they drag me down, although

my reason is something I’ll never heed…

Uphill

The tasks that I've usually found fine

feel overly difficult today.

My legs cramp up at the slightest incline

and my head has been taking me the wrong way.

But I'll carry on walking up this hill

in the hope that it's easier each time

and that exercising body and will

will bring my welfare back into its prime.


Two weeks have passed, and I still feel the strain
and my breathing's as heavy as my heart
but I'm beginning to pull through the pain
so this mental strength is at least a start.


Trials take time to better your technique
but it's worth the effort when you hit the peak.

Cuff

An hour ago,

I noticed specks of crimson

on the cuff of my shirt.

It made me wonder

what I was doing

hours ago.

I Think

I've been moulding myself

into the person

[I think]

I want to be.

With each stroke that I make

the clay hardens:

[I think]

I'm too late.

And as I try and budge

the heavy sludge

[I think]

this happiness is becoming forced.

But if my clay was to dry

in its natural form

[I think]

it looks hideous.

So I continue to make

this outer shell, which

[I think]

will disguise my imperfections.

I think, I think, I think...

I think I've lost who I am.

Nightdrive

Condensation crawls

from the windscreen

and creeps

onto the bonnet,

whilst the lamppost lit drizzle

hazes the damp, dull street.

The dashboard glows royally

as the headlights break the black

to bleak.

The stereo reverberates

the rattling sounds

of the night

and drowns out

the engine's meditating hum.

The wipers work overtime

on the petite but persistent perspiration

The raindrops seep through the open window

but the cold slap of air makes me feel alive.

As I set off, into the line moving nowhere,

disgruntled faces obscured by hoods pass by.

Red.

Amber.

Green.

We're off to escape this scene

so that we may look on at it through different windows,

but whilst most are in a rush

I don't want this journey to end.

As elements blend into one,

I'm caught in the pace of life

and I can't decide if it's my control

or lack of it

which eases me so much.

For now I'll take a detour

and keep on driving until the track ends

or the needle points towards empty.

Is speed, time, or distance the limit?

I guess I'll find out when I grind to a stop.

Biting Tongues

Which is worse;

the damage done to my tongue by biting it

or the damage done by my tongue by not biting it?

Phases

When will 'just a phase'

just phase out?

One for Sorrow

Today I saw a solitary magpie

and I don't know

if it was superstition

or its loneliness

which made me sad.

Monopolised Mind

Sometimes, I like to read and reread

my favourite chapter of a novel

and I listen to my favourite track on an album

to the point where the rest seems insignificant

but the problem with an obsession

is that it obstructs fair and rational judgement

and blinds you to the beauty

held in every other song or line.

The Change of a Pen

Am I becoming mindless

with every thought that I share,

and each word I write down

is one less to be there?

Because it's started to feel

like I'm running out of ink

and as much as I scratch

my nib cannot think

and every single line

becomes faint and faded,

resembling my mind

so blinkered and jaded,

and so I'm hoping

the change of a pen

will bring to life

new thoughts again.

A Recap...

Life's recaps

never recapture

life.

The Here and Now

Things never end

the way we intend

so don't bother planning for your death.

Instead, let's deal

in what's present and real

not to waste a single breath.

Strangers in the Dark

Passing glances

become romances

when a smile sets off a spark,

so curve your lips

towards my hips

and let's be strangers in the dark.

Feasting Flies

The flies have been feasting

on my former love's remains,

hoping their hunger

can benefit from pains

but I won't let their germs

infect my noble veins,

no matter what state I'm in

their greed cannot heal strains.

Autumnal Sounds

So it’s about time I turned off those summer songs

now the weather gives no reason to sing along,

but I just can’t bring myself to let go

and accept the prospects of frost and snow.

The clouds have a stranglehold on the struggling sky

and I wonder how long the ground will stay dry,

meanwhile the wind blows leaves to the floor

making their sweeping a useless chore.

I’ve noticed that the nights are engulfing the day,

as much as I try, I can’t sleep the dark away…

we’re stuck in a cesspit of dead time

anxious for Christmas and missing sunshine.

Most of my break-ups have occurred with the fall,

I doubt there is any correlation at all

but that doesn’t stop the reminders

and I can’t see past these transparent  blinders.

Despite all the bleak that the end of summer brings

the jubilant voice inside of my head still sings

because there’s so much beauty in the death

and I feel alive tasting your iced breath.

I’ll hold on to these new songs ‘til they’ve past their date

hoping that their meanings do not dawn seasons too late

and as life turns partakers into subjects

I wonder where the wind will drag me next…

Dead Weight

My recent mindset has made me feel bleak,

with thoughts ever so despondent and weak

but how can I try to let this phase die

when I can't even summon the strength to speak?

It's been said you should be cruel to be kind

yet I don't know how cruelty's defined.

if the phrase is true I must be cruel to you

in the hope that it leaves hurting behind.

I've found that when I strip away excess

I no longer suffer the weighty stress

and even though it is hard to let go

I realise I'm happier with less.

So I've cleared out all of my dead weight

opening up some new space to create.

I can only pray that it wont decay

into something I may grow to hate.