Caught

I walked heady into the sweet,

damp night, however caught I was in its

leverage.

The dog across the street whined for me, impetuous, drummed

my porous skin into air,

like a mother praying for their child, making 

me alive again,

embryonic.

Sunspots blossomed over the fullness of night, and 

I curled, ashamed, inside 

their morning light.

Seven Years

More dishes pile—

more to-do lists undone.

Shout away shade

and scrape out the muck.

Never forget to smile

and try to have fun 

before the mirrors, their shards

and with it all the years of bad luck.

Captain's Entry

I woke up this morning because there was nothing else to do

but gravity's grasp on my head

pulled my thoughts like a tidal shift

so I remained looking at the light

that squirted through the narrow slits in the blinds

like a gaping hole on a ship set for the ocean floor.

Accepting my fate I got out of bed and went to the door

to check if the letterbox held any hope

yet that too leaked

as saltwater coarsely collided with the back of my throat

so if this ship is incapable of being steered to safety

I might as well lock myself in and nail any gaps shut.

I woke up this morning because there was nothing else to do

and nothing of note happened

so I fell back asleep, content

with the fact that I still haven't drowned

and despite the uncertainty that the signals are reporting

I still refuse to sink.

Spun

The spider hung grotesque

upon his palace made of string.

My palace shuts out all the light

his trembles in the wind.

The maxim goes that I am strong

and he is weak and thin.

Yet here he sits, an emperor. And I am yet to spin.

Running From/To

I could get into a good position

but then I would let the world pass me by.

My intentions never reach fruition

because I'm afraid of crossing the line.

I have much talent that I've buried deep

and it's so frustrating to slow my pace.

I cannot rely on a pair of feet

that do not believe they can cross this race.

I am hoping that time will make me strong

and I'll no longer have a need to roam,

then I'll find that which I had all along

and regard the ribbon's embrace as my home.

...but 'til then I will run and run and run,

and when I have stopped I can say that I've won.

Every Breath

Every breath is an excuse for the next

so please excuse me if I cannot speak.

I'm sure you're pleased to hear that I'm perplexed

and that my will and words have both grown weak.

Every breath is an excuse for my last

so please excuse me if I'm out of breath.

I'm sure you're pleased to hear that I'm aghast

and pondering the details of my death.

Every breath is an excuse for a rest

so please excuse me if my breathing halts.

I'm sure you're pleased to hear I failed my test

and I'm personified by my own faults.

Every breath is one closer to dying

but with every breath I am still trying.

A Better Self Portrait

I want to be as pure on the inside

as I always present myself to be.

I want no secrets for me to hide

including my own morbid misery.

So I'll give it a go being clean cut

and wash away those things which get me down.

I'm going to stop living by my gut

and start to trust what lies beneath my crown.

I'm going to live a life of pearly white

and try to brighten up all of my dark.

I'm going to maintain my early nights

and compliment them with early starts.

I'm going to paint my present at its best

and let the future fill in the rest.

Summer Cheer

Another summer,

another group of friends home

who I probably wont see.

Another summer,

another promise of sunshine,

unfulfilled and wet.

Another summer,

another opportunity to rest

until it becomes tedious.

Another summer,

another chance to make memories

which goes wasted lusting over the past.

Another summer,

another season closer to death.

Wasted Potential

I know I have so many talents

but I am too weak to meet my potential.

So tell me, does saying this make me arrogant

or under-confident?

Crybaby

Maybe I am not all of those white lies

I was told I'd be when I was a kid,

there is nothing special behind my eyes

and I know even less than I ever did.

I know they were told to boost my esteem

but your words did more harm than they did good

because when I defiantly dared to dream

I got far less than I thought I should.

I am no longer your little boy

but I am just as fragile and scared,

I am still searching for another toy

rather than waiting for mine to be repaired.

And when in need, I screw up my face and cry,

so maybe that baby in me did not die.

Wastelands

I don't get tormented by those people

who have been present in painful moments;

it's my own messed up masochistic mind

which drags my guts through the murky swamps.

I'm scared of what thoughts I may be keeping

a sadistic secret from myself.

I'm scared I will let myself down again

and be forced to rescue my sinking pride.

Is it not enough to say that I'll try

to find my way out of this savage waste?

Is it not enough to say that I'll try

my very hardest to be enough?

Because at the moment I am past hope

and have found myself somewhere I can't cope.

Autopilot Off

I've been waiting for some kind of moment

to come and prise open my sleep filled eyes,

to drag me by the trembling, clammy hand

and take me to where some joy could arise.

I won't find anything with my eyes shut

constantly dreaming in my risk-free bed

but I can't find the courage to get up

and start looking towards the days ahead.

I get jealous of people who are sure

because I hate these autopilot ways

where everything I do is so idle

and I am merely seeing out my days.

So it's about time that I took control

and spark some life into my greying soul.

Satisfaction

Satisfaction is an elusive feel

Mick Jagger knew this problem oh too well

for once you have made all of your dreams real

you dream up new hopes for life to fell.

And so living is just a constant chase

which can soon tire those without the training

or those who struggle to keep a constant pace

when every step can be so draining.

Lately I have been feeling out of shape,

I'm not sure I can keep chasing for smiles

just to run through some half-hearted tape

to gather some trophy hardly worth my while.

And so I can't get no satisfaction

in this complex circuit of overaction.

Sleep Sickness

I've been waking up beaten

and broken down

coughing up my lungs

with a throbbing crown,

but by midday

I can't recall

what I've been trying

to forget at all,

and then at night

it all comes rushing back

the symptoms come

in a sudden attack.

I can't help but wonder

if this is some healthy flu

or a terminal bug

I can't help but cling on to.

I'm dying for you

to medicate me

or for someone new

to diagnose my insanity.

Sick Of Feeling Sick

When did my immune system grow so weak,

where I was once always healthy and well?

I now feel so sick that I cannot speak,

my throat is bone-dry and it burns like hell.

Where along the line did I lose my strength

to become this faint, pale, miserable mess?

I would once try and go to any length

but now I'm content to settle for less.

Why do I always become so dizzy

when I stand to my aching feet in haste?

I feel like I'm always keeping busy

but I am letting my life go to waste.

I cannot stand all of this feeling ill

and I feel a slave to my failing will.

Welcome to my Mind

I'm writing down all of my problems

so that I don't have to say them out loud;

1. I do not earn enough money to achieve the lifestyle I wish to have.

2. I lack the effort and time achieve the lifestyle I wish to have.

3. Aside from a select few friends,

who I don't get to see as much as I would like,

I am disillusioned by society.

4. I crave a stable relationship,

but any situation where I could potentially meet a girl

is one where they would highlight their moral ambiguity

and I am very particular about how people should act in a proper manner.

5. It is expected of me to be more uncouth,

afterall I am only young,

but to think of being that person sickens me

and as young as I may be, I am sure of who I am.
6. I take life, and myself,
far too seriously.

7. I feel I have nothing to offer society,

and although I frequently show potential,

I fear I will always be not quite good enough.

8. I lack the focus required to succeed

in my far too numerous ambitions.

9. I am always craving more,

and so I feel I will never be completely happy with what I have.

10. If I display my sadness, I am met with contempt rather than concern.

11. I am a mess, and I am running out of time to put that right.

Dregs of Doubt Down the Drain

I'm overfaced with a life where I have so many different things to live for

- I'm not sure what I should live for.

I'm wondering if I can wash away this feeling,

because doubt is a dirty word in a place like this

where everyone watches on your every move

like eager eyes peeping through the curtains across,

but I do not feel the need to cover up...

I am shy but certainly not modest.

If I could just scrub out each dilemma one at a time

then my smile might start to become more visible

and that may just detract your attention from my faults.

I'm drying.

Last Minute Submission

On the seventh day God sat around in his bedroom,

lazily lounging in his comfiest warm clothes

feeling relieved that he scraped through his deadline.

On the seventh day God pressed against his radiator

and checked through all of the work that he'd submitted

but couldn't feel warm pride at his rushed, half-hearted effort.

On the seventh day God looked out of his window

watching the condensation from his breath ebb away

and realised the view wasn't as beautiful as he thought.

On the seventh day God retreated back to the comfort of his bed,

wishing that he could have another chance to create perfection

because inactivity bored him and his tired eyes could see all the world's faults.

Humdrum

The clouds keep shifting

and it's becoming increasingly difficult

to decide what I should wear

or what I should do with my day,

but I end up settling on the same grubby attire

and the same tired routine

regardless of change's necessity.

Maybe I need

a natural disaster

to get me out

of this mindset.

Cuff

An hour ago,

I noticed specks of crimson

on the cuff of my shirt.

It made me wonder

what I was doing

hours ago.